February 23, 2012 DAY ONE
- ->>>added this title after my entry ->>>J(from the battle
zone and on to peace- a somewhere chapt in my LEAVING THE WAR ZONE – A
Battered Mothers Memoirs for Her daughter) either that or twilight zone J
Met with Eric Kjorlie, Civil Federal attorney today.
Apparently someone or ones have paid a retainer to this man to take my case
from local to appellate to federal, donations of cash assistance have been
given to me today in the amount of 500$ w more to be expected—people just started
putting 20$ bills in (So I was told). I am still in awe and not quite sure
exactly what’s going on.
Several things. From federal investigation to civil
lawsuits, and internal and external pressure. And some very beautiful people who
just want to see Rikki be safe and know her mom) wow—the tears the past week
have flowed steady.
I will meet w federal investigator tomorrow on my way to the
VA. Another investigator who will be or is protecting my daughter--They (used
as in plural) are in awe at what I have placed on internet- for the love of my
daughter. The case file—I was told that it’s like the Sally Field’s
movie—‘Not Without My Daughter’. The feds lawyer et el are going to have
VA Doctors who specialize in PTSD war
time soldiers build the case of just that. My war zone PTSD and continue in civil and federal suits.
What little I know
atm is that apparently, I did so good at documentation from the beginning to
well the end that there is now a federal investigation, a civil suit beginning
and oddly enough a backwards turn to reintegration with my child, as the system
has is and continues to fail to protect me, that I have had to go public to
stay alive. (and I did) That the father of my daughter is still destroying me
by withholding my child and apparently PTSD-(understatement) war type battle
fatigue by the courts in Kansas and perpetrator is a direct cause for the 17
years of failure by all parties involved. As well, I am still under attack as –
I am still a ghost, in hiding while the enemy walks free. That one really did
hit home. They are right, I am still under attack- a ghost. Somehow I don’t
think I will be for the rest of my life. Lawyer said its time to turn the
tables. Have an address like ya know a house not a P.O. Box—I agree, never
dreamed it to be remotely possible though—never thought of it till today. I am
now though.
There is more as you can imagine… for now I am really
exhausted, shocked that someone or ones
have retained this lawyer anonymously to
proceed on Rikki and I behave from local to federal court.
Then, there is the federal investigation of all parties
involved. Court system and out system. The drugs, the pay offs the crooked
judges, cops and attorneys.
It has all been set up, I go to VA tomorrow ( they already
have my DD214 pulled) I meet w federal investigator tomorrow who has protection
on my daughter, and I swear I feel like
I stepped though another twilight zone.
I have been told that, I will soon see Rikki on the PTSD
expert from VA- about 3 mos- ish and that there will be no objection to Rikki
and I being reintegrated via the PTSD VA expert.
I connect every one, twice today my history was reviewed w
me, the players, the money, the beatings the continued torture. Apparently this
is the case that they want to use to have extreme impact on the nations courts,
kind of like we had hoped back in the 1999 1st appeal and petition
for review. kind of a strange curve but sensible one to take the PTSD angle, it
twists in the current chaos of the courts being fit- depressed, when your
children are ripped away et el—the fucked up therapeutic jurisprudence of abuse
being ignored and abusers given the
further control to –think war – the enemy continues to torture the soldier.
I am not in control;
I can just be me--- in all my pain, and glory. Not to mention all the indictments
including daddy. I was told to have fun even lol
I know nothing about civil law- let alone used in local
courts with the federal guidance. Or other my brain cells are just not linked
there.
Writing more for myself at this moment, I have such an aversion
to shrinks… I do have PTSD towards them. I used to work at the VA, I see the
reasoning and the plan, this now out of there league. My heart beating hard,
the sadness of so much with Rikki my sweet child, worst than I, who has herself battled alone all these
years.
They said I reminded
them of the Sally Fields movie- ‘Not Without My Daughter’. I have it recorded.
Will continue my old habits, trust none record all, my mom taught me to always
make sure that court record was complete, b/c one day it would be investigated
and although much is lost—many more may one day be spared.
At this moment… I
feel my mom with me. I pray that my daughter feels my arms around her this very
very windy night.
I have already done it all--- nothing for me to do but –
heal—funny how shrink – well PTSD - VA doc may just offer that, a chance to see
Rikki before she ages out , a chance to get to know each other again, and in
the interim, perhaps karma will come full swing.
If ever I did feel crazy in all these years—its now, I laugh
thinking how the crazy part of sanity will be turned back into seneschal—trauma—a
special trauma reserved for soldiers in war. PTSD - not crazy, but normal.
And….. the enemy is still inflicting pain.
I know nothing about fed law- I know nothing about civil
law- I do know a bit about internal and external pressure J
I also am in complete awe that in this past year—I somehow open
the doors and hearts of people who are now taking overt and covert action. I
feel sort of like a leaf blowing in the wind—a gentle wind. A seneschal wind,
for this moment anyhow.
Has been insane this past week, could only begin with today.
I will try to write each day as it happens journaling—like I did in the
90s—only this time, its not me doing it, I just follow along and let go…
Hell been accused of crazy so many years lol. PTSD back is
brilliant, a way to begin the process of ending the craziness, and more so,
they want Rikki and I to know each other, be at peace and to never fear again.
Yaaawnnnnnnnnn g-night my friend. (((hugz))
