CHAPTER 7 – The Witch’s Hat

 

 

 

The Witch’s Hat

September 18, 2012 - Tuesday

This past few weeks have been pretty good. I usually get very sad when summer ends. The pool, the heat. This has been one of the absolute hottest summers I can ever recall in my 46 years. Triple digits were the normal. On Labor Day, my window AC went out. So the following week I stayed in the pool. Stayed cool. I love the solitude of being out in the country. The quiet, the peace. My raw nerves – turned inside out this past two decades have taken such a toll on me. The stress, the emotional pain has shown its self through physical outlets.

During the summer, the memories of being in the pool with my daughter, growing up in a pool myself, and the memories’ of my mother. Memories suck. Their were so many bad ones. So much suffering. The torture camps not unlike those of the concentration camps, the fear, the 24-7 fear.

The beatings were almost like a release. A Release of that constant fear. As then for a a day, maybe two. All was quiet. Constant chaos soon followed.

Present day, in healing from trauma, sometimes one simply cannot recall all the ‘things’ that happened. The mind works like that. It takes care of us. So when trauma is enduring to survive within the mind, you block that ‘trauma’ out. This is a normal thing, a healthy thing and one that is built in to our human composition, of coping adapting and evolving.

The thing is, with the blocking of all that bad – went the few precious moments we had, Rikki and I. With even thinking about her, the pain of her loss the pain of the past ‘constant’ 14 years of court litigation (Continued abuse, torment) I have had to put her few pictures away. This past year I have slowly began to convert the old VHS tapes into digital and DVD. I have for all these years been unable to look at them. The pain immense. Even in her photographs, complete strangers could even see in her once very happy , dancing sparkling eyes disappear. Each years school photo they diminished until finally the light was gone altogether.

The only photos I was allowed to have, from kindergarten through 6^th grade. In them alone shows the years of agony she suffered. SCAN PHOTOS HERE Each year, her eyes were darker, until finally the light in them was completely gone. So in order to survive, I have had to put those photos away, in a scrap book. Again, at the loss the helplessness and agony of my baby girl who was robbed of everything, especially her mother. A childhood of fear, loss and torment. Destined to follow her through adulthood.

The good memories are precious few, those years were as well stolen, tainted with the ever ending struggle of court abuse, but we were together and we made those few times good. It is no wonder that when the bad is blocked the good as well because they are all attached to the torment our human rights, we had none. We still do not.

But this year, as I was packing up my summer clothes, preparing for winter, thankful in fact as the summer damn near killed me. To hot even for hell. I was going through what few things remain from my life. Not much. A few old boxes. It was sorta like a treasure hunt, I saw of course things that reminded me of all the bad, things of my baby girl that I have promised to preserve for her. A gentle smile crossed my face.

Then just out of nowhere a Witch’s hat. My hat. Then I recalled the most wonderful of all memories. Halloween. Fall, the entire month was always ours. That was the only one thing that was consistent, one thing that did not come with pain inflicted by the abuser himself or his court whore proxy’s.

No one wanted that day, Halloween, not like every other holiday, even mother’s day we were robbed of all. Dad always got her every single holiday. As he was the non custodial parent, I just the evil bitch mom who wanted to set herself and her daughter free of torture. But, Halloween….. became ours. We celebrated the fall the holiday throughout the month. We decorated beginning with fall and working into the Halloween spirit. On this day, we could be anything we wanted. This day was always a ‘safe’ day for us. Nothing bad ever happened. It was ours, it was special and we had so much fun.

Every year we would add more to our ‘holiday’ boxes - cool Halloween decorations themes. We had an entire 12 x 15 ft. room filled with storage boxes of nothing but fall and Halloween decorations. Throughout these last 13 true hell years, those were all but lost a little at a time, then a lot. Until about 3 years ago, when I stopped seeing anything. As I did not put them up. Eventually, it left my mind as well. Once again, Those precious few good memories attached to the bad.

But this witch’s hat, out of nowhere - in what few things are left at all, (not even enough to fill a 10 x 10 ft room) this hat was ‘just’ there. Instantly I had a very comforting feeling, placed it on my head and continued to go through seeking winter clothing, packing summer clothing. Not really thinking about it nor the significance of the hat - just that all was well, like it had always been there. Just a nice feeling, a feeling odd to me, comfortable somehow ‘connected’ in a life long ago forgotten. The hat has been with me every day since, not consciously aware that, I kept it nor that it is always close to me.

But as the days began to pass I realized that it was in my car, on the couch,- kinda like with your keys and billfold. The peacefulness of fall all around, the critters all doing their scurrying around, the trees with the ever so slight sound of the old tired leaves scorched from the summer also awaiting the first freeze, before they turn the most vibrant of all colors - fall colors. The winds slightly beginning to shift. Yes the world, the seasons, Mother Nature. So very beautiful. So with all this and preparing my little house for winter, cleaning rearranging, feeling alive, being creative, thinking about absolutely nothing. There sits this witch’s hat.

About a week later, actually just a few days ago - the movie ‘twister’ came on TV late I just happened to be up the with the rain storms this week, they have gone from muggy hot to the classic fall cool. Rikki’s absolute number one favorite movie back then in the late 90’s was “Twister”. As I watched it I was thinking about how granny had dubbed her soaps over rikki’s twister tape, and Rikki in tears said “granny, you taped your soaps on my twister tape’ – she was heartbroken. Lmao So was Granny, bless her heart, she was able to get not one but several more tapes of “Twister”. Yes that was a good memory. J

Still the witch’s hat, sits near. I see it has a purple feather and purple stone. Then, I recall why I bought that particular witch’s hat, its purple for the color of anti domestic violence. Even way back then as new a survivor, that purple was sacred. So now I have not only the memory of the Halloween but the subtle deeper meanings coming through as well. I survived, my daughter was safe. (back then – late 90’s) But, Still all is well. These memories are without any fear or pain. They just feel good. Atop my aching heart as I grieve the loss of my child. And at this point all resources long ago depleted to keep that special connection with her. It died when my mother died. The courts and daddy made sure that we never spoke again, nothing. Just gone. Like my mom. But in a more brutal way. You see I know my mom is with Jesus, Rikki however is with pure evil. Brutal does not come close.

Then the following day, the movie ‘Hocus Pocus’ came on…. Then it was more freeking awesomeness…!! To go along with the rest our ‘safe’ zone of Halloween of course our favorite Halloween movies!! All Disney of course, Rikki was not in school yet and she was legally kidnapped by the age of 7.She began kindergarten in the house of hell, and without her mother. He killed her soul then, a thousand deaths she went through. I was not allowed to be anywhere near her, not allowed to comfort her, to just hold her. L It was several year before I was even allowed to see her ‘supervised’ and then we could not hug we could not talk about what happened, we could not talk about hope, the future, we could not talk about our past out home our life, only what Rikki was currently doing with daddy dearest. Her sadness poured out of every pore her entire body eminated a pain that would knock the wind out of any ‘real’ human.

With “Hocus Pocus”, I watched it, loved it, and with warm memories of Rikki (before dad stole her). Then came the movie ‘Halloweentown’ omg. This was absolutely number one favorite for our ‘safe zone’ time. There were two. HalloweenTown and HalloweenTown 2. As I watched them, a flood of so many wonderful memories opened up.

Like I had opened up the door and let the fresh air in, these movies, inspired by the witch’s hat were the answer. If I can get to Rikki these movies especially HalloweenTown, deep inside her blocked off heart - a door will open for her too. I somehow know this with every fiber of my being.

I have time. My main goal is for her to just ‘watch’ them. I have began to rip and burn them for myself, but I want Rikki to ‘watch’ them. So I will buy them and have them sent to her. Not from me of course and hope they still make it into her DVD player- just movies packaged and sealed, nothing mom could have ‘sneaked’ in. Nothing from ‘mom’ so perhaps she will one day watch it. Directly to her from Amazon maybe.

My hopes are that now – perhaps I can begin to write to you. As I said before, it just hurts to bad to the point of panic, anxiety, chest pains and inability to breath. Avoid pain. That’s what we do naturally. And although it pains my heart now as I write this, it is not debilitating, it is welcome, and it just feels right. Like everything else around me - and busy it is – fall. The power of higher than anything else - that special power of Mother Nature. God’s creations and the ‘ultimate justice’. Just wait - the leaves have not even begun to change yet and I plan on doing every fall Halloween activity I can, the healing has finally begun. I guess, it is just time.

The witch’s hat made me feel good. LoL as I look at it now. It sits kinda like the witch hat in harry potter, bent over at middle, old and knowing just comfortable. I smile. I love you my daughter my dearest sweet Rikki.

Just believe what the heck - you ain’t got nothing to loose, I sure do not, plus - it just feels good. I do not know where I will be from one day to the next or even if I will be. Weather this will be the first day of the rest of my life or the last day - it will be the best day I can make it.

 

12 years ago today 7-31-2000, Rikki Dombrowski was taken from her mother Claudine Dombrowski and given to convicted batterer and Criminal HAL RICHARDSON, Topeka, KS Case No. 96-D-217

 

Topeka, Kansas Case No. 96-D-217 Third Judicial District, Shawnee County, Kansas

 

MAHNATTAN FREE PRESS: COURTS CONTINUE TO ABUSE BATTERED MOTHER 

MANHATTAN, KS - To some this could be considered beautiful. Solid mahogany is beautiful when given a high finish and it does have a high finish. It is about four to four and a half feet long, a foot and a half high; with shinny brass handles at the foot and head. A child's coffin, in this home has been turned into a coffee table. Continue Reading >

 

Claudine & Rikki Dombrowski-- before Family Court Mafia gave custody to the Abuser--moon shadow

HELL HAS A SPECIAL PLACE FOR ALL ABUSERS and ENABLERS (aka child traffickers) that have and are continuing the  abuse by Hal Richardson. With the help of the local Court Whores, M. Jill Dykes, Rene M. Netherton, Judge David Debenham, Don and Jason Hoffman

Twelve years ago today Rikki Dombrowski was taken from her mother Claudine Dombrowski and given to a convicted batterer on a ‘snail mail’  from crooked Judge Richard Anderson. He made a ‘deal’ and without motion from either party, without hearing he simply on his own ‘switched custody’ from Mother to ABUSER HAL RICHARDSON.

Mother Claudine Dombrowski has had little to no contact with her daughter since this illegal ‘action’ and ruling was made. The Judges following after this decision could have at anytime corrected a very wrong very unethical very damaging ruling.

Instead, they continued ‘litigation abuse’ of a battered mother and forced her only child- HER daughter to live with out her mother and in constant fear.

View this document on Scribd

 

2000 July 31– Custody Switch-Judge Richard Anderson Gives FULL custody to CRIMINAL HAL RICHARDSON

 

HAL RICHARDSON – COURT CRIMINAL RECORDS OF; VIOLENCE, BATTERY ON LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER, BATTERY AGAINST CLAUDINE DOMBROWSKI, DRUGS, ALCOHOL, OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE, BAR FIGHTS ETC…

WHAT KIND A EVIL BASTARD WOULD HURT HIS CHILD SO BADLY BY TAKING HER MOTHER AWAY FROM HER? RIKKI DOMBROWSKI THE WORLD IS APPALLED, KANSAS IS SICK. THIS MAN WILL KNOW JUSTICE ONE DAY—GOD WILL JUDGE ALL WHO HELPED TO KEEP YOU SEPERATED FROM YOUR LOVING MOTHER.

GOD’S JUDGEMENT DAY—AND TOPEKA KANSAS WILL BURN

95LA014502-RICHARDSON,HAL,,1P
96D 000217-RICHARDSON,HAL,,1P
96D 000217-RICHARDSON,HAL,, (aka)1OR
96D 000217-RICHARDSON,HAL,, (aka)2OE
95D 000419-RICHARDSON,HAL,,1P
95D 000419-RICHARDSON,HAL,,1OR
97LA009121-RICHARDSON,HAL,,1D
98LA006122-RICHARDSON,HAL,,1D
92CV000432-RICHARDSON,HAL,,1P
96CV000937-RICHARDSON,HAL,,1P
92LA000089-RICHARDSON,HAL,,1D
96LA012692-RICHARDSON,HAL,,1D
97LA017898-RICHARDSON,HAL,,1D
97U 000055-RICHARDSON,HAL,,D/B/A/ TOPEKA VINYL TOP,1D
90LA007629-RICHARDSON,HAL,,DBA GATEWAY FUNDRAISING,1D
97LA018158-RICHARDSON,HAL,,DBA MINUTEMAN SOLAR FILM,1D
96LA003402-RICHARDSON,HAL,,DBA TOPEKA VINYL TOP CENTER,1D
98U 000141-RICHARDSON,HAL,,DBA TOPEKA VINYL TOP CENTER,1D
04SC000200-RICHARDSON,HAL,,III,1D
03C 000086-RICHARDSON,HAL,,JR TRACT 84,184D
95U 000500-RICHARDSON,HAL,,JR,1D
03L 010117-RICHARDSON,HAL,,JR,1D
05L 001833-RICHARDSON,HAL,,JR,1D
95SC000448-RICHARDSON,HAL,,JR,1D
95LN000161-RICHARDSON,HAL,,JR,1OP
05C 001464-RICHARDSON,HAL,,JR,TRACT 76, (aka)133D
94SC000355-RICHARDSON,HAL,,OWNER OF MINUTEMAN SOLAR FILM,1D
89CR 01537-RICHARDSON,HAL,G,, (aka)1D
90CR 01308-RICHARDSON,HAL,G, (aka)1D
96LA019246-RICHARDSON,HAL,G,JR,1D
96LA000348-RICHARDSON,HAL,G,JR,1D
97CV000960-RICHARDSON,HAL,G,JR,1D
97LA011585-RICHARDSON,HAL,G,JR,2D
08SC000096-RICHARDSON,HAL,G,JR,1P
05C 001464-RICHARDSON,HAL,G,JR,TRACT 76, (aka)133D
96D 000217-RICHARDSON,HAL,GEORGE, (aka)1OR
96D 000217-RICHARDSON,HAL,GEORGE, (aka)2OE
97CV000778-RICHARDSON,HAL,GEORGE,JR,

2 p.

95cr 00836 dv against dombrowski conviction

7 p.

12-1-1997 Joan Hamilton DA Refuses to Prosecute Admitted CrowBar Assault

4 p.

1995 DV 95CR836 Mary Kelly PSI Not Good Candidate for RECOMMEND PRISON for Criminal conviction of CLAUDINE DOMBROWSKI

4 p.

1995 DV 95CR836 Mary Kelly PSI Not Good Candiate for Probation_2

2 p.

1999_2nd ABP Heartland Consult an Tans Hal Richardson

3 p.

1996 Alternatives to Battering Per Domestic Violence Conviction against Claudine Dombroeski and Order of Probation Hal Richardson…

1 p.

1995 PSI Mary Kelly Recommends Prison for Hal Richardson as Conviction History of Violence past 15 years

5 p.

1995 ABP Records Hal Richardson CR Conviction of Domestic Violence to Claudine Dombrowski (HE WAS KICKED OUT!)

2 p.

1990 SARP Alcohol Drug TX Hal Richardson From Conviction on Battery of Law Enforcement Officer

2 p.

1995-Feb 21 D.A. Affidavit for Domestic Violence (Conviction) Case No. 94-CR…

3 p.

1997 Closed Camera Inspection of 30 Day Drug Alchohol Hal Richardson Aug_1

CHAPTER 6 - The End Is Only Just The Beginning – The Path Unpaved

May 2, 2012 Wednesday

Its 10:30 in the morning. The last day I will see you from a distance – perhaps forever, perhaps only just another year. Either way I sit here in tears for all the years lost, for all the pain, for the future yet to come. On one hand I want this day to be over --- the other I want it to never end. God Rikki, my daughter I love you so much, I am not always strong in fact there is not a day that does not go by without the tears of losing my child in sadness to anger of the court whores who profited by such torture.

Today at 3:30 pm the last time I will see you from a distance. The month of May—Mother’s day no less soon. I don’t know when, it does not matter – only that I recall we filed suit at the IACHR on mother’s day may 11, 2007. I, thinking that now (back then) that all the weight of the world had been finally lifted from shoulders. Year 2012. Not true. I still miss you still cling to hope, my mother and now God.

God failed us Rikki, so many years ago. He allowed the evil to take you from me 13 years ago--- 13 isn’t that an omen—13? Bad luck Friday? It doesn’t matter I quit believing in fairy tales a long time ago, more so I quit believing in God. Until mom died. I always knew that Jesus loved your granny, if ever there was a miracle it was your granny Rikki. She walked and talked and emulated pure love for all …. She forgave—that is not our job as humans I would argue. Its Gods job, most certainly not mine. Especially when my child, my self were burning in the pit of his so called glory. That was every day  and every night for this past 13 years.

Lately, not because of anything in particular or different, except that although I prayed for death all those years ago I certainly did not want to die. With your birthday coming up in a few short months December 12, you will be 18—and at age 18 every one seems to think it’s a "magic wand" age when suddenly everything changes – like in those so called fairy tales… and ‘they all lived happily ever after.’ When in reality, it only becomes worst. The most dangerous time for any woman, child--- is when they leave. When that torturer feels he has come to lose control, that day is fast approaching for you baby.

All age aside, you still have one more year of high school. One more year of pure terror and denial. One more year to survive. One more year before you can even think about breaking free, let alone about what is true. That’s a lifetime ….. a life time of so many more years. I have been like a rock all these years baby, BEING THE CHANGE I WANTED THE WORLD TO SEE. I sucked my life force, allowed myself and will continue until my last breath to lay road maps for your survival—the survival of so many. I cannot reach you directly… I can however reach on other issues.

An advocate they say I am, yes I suppose I am. I am an advocate for everyone else because I could not save you, I could not lessen your pain, I could not save myself. I know that you hate reading about the horridness of our lives; I can’t remember most the bad stuff that has never made it to the courts or on line. No need, the court record is mind boggling enough. I can only imagine—and not well the last 13 years (there’s that damn evil number again) have been like for you. Mostly, I don’t want to know, as it would all utterly be the end of me and any good I have left in me to reach through hell literally and build a bridge for you – and so many others to cross.

There is no good in the system; the rape of justice began long before you and I were thrown into the bowels of  hell called the judiciary. Long before your granny even fought for justice. Her mother and her mother……..
So, why bother right? Wrong. Because my dear sweet Rikki, let me guess you reach out to others don’t you? You reach out to children and hold their hearts in a certain that only they and you understand. This is because of what we have been through and I too do exactly as you. We were not able to stop the murder of our own, our entire MATERNAL FAMILIY or even to have known them were you Rikki? You have been denied the human – God given right to even know your own mother, as I too have been denied Gods inherent right to mother my own child—you Rikki.

So what the fuck ---- literally, what in all the god damn Sam hell are we freeking left with? Well, my daughter, as the miracle of your granny would say and I thank god for her presence in the most crucial time of our lives birth to age 7 for you. That we were trained as warriors. Yes baby, you are a warrior, your pain is literally the salvation of thousands of others, -- (as was mine) and both still remain. Our journey has truly only just begun. That so completely sucks…….. to think that now at age 18 all shall be at peace…. ( the magic wand is broken baby) to think that all we have gone through is not the end – but only the fucking beginning—would make Genghis Kahn ‘cower’ in fear.

But baby, here is your chance…… here finally is your generation, all grown up and ready to take the reigns of the world. But dammit baby…… don’t be politically correct don’t be quiet, don’t worry about stepping on toes, as long as you have no children I want you to fight—fight hard fight until your last dying breath so that all those children you hug all those others who suffer, you’re their Gabriel, their arch angel and then your life will not have been in vain.

Not something you expected a mom to say to her beloved daughter. On the last day she she may ever even see her --- even from afar. But, it is because of the love I have for you--- the undying – damn them all to hell how fucking dare they… that with this day I send to you the same message, that you must carry forward for all those who are so much weaker than you.

Cry and scream baby FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE----DOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
(watch brave heart) that is the FREEEDOM we all have – that has been taken from us—from or future from your future—and baby freedom is not free.

Ps (don’t vote Obama--- even the white horse prophecy sad as it may be is better than Sharia law) it will at least give us a chance to reverse all the evil done. Good bye my child, soon we will be sisters as well as mother and daughter- fighting side by side. It has only just begun.

After today, again I am back in my own little hell world, I  ask that you, (like I will) try to smell the flowers along the way. Death will come soon enough. It is not our will, but (yes you all can strike me dead at any time now) but it is God’s. And you know baby, I can fight mountains of armies, but I cannot fight them and him too. I have found a certain peace in finally letting go--- not to death -- but to him.

I pray on my hands and knees child, that when you invoke his assistance that he jumps – I don’t know if that’s how it actually works but--- for me - it has, at least in the peace realm. With him, I can hold you and granny, and feel you both in my heart. You have not died, you are not gone, you are always, ALWAYS here with me baby.  Sometimes in your journey you will be so tired, I offer to you a forever invitation to come to me and to just ‘be’. A chance to re energize --- a time to feel peace. To feel the wind upon your cheek to cool your body in the water of the pool. I will be here Rikki always. No ties, no bounds. Here for you for just when ever.. you need or want. You my child know how to reach me. And now –(again) with this final goodbye…. I too will heal – so that you my child can continue the fight for not just yours but one day—you will have daughters (you won’t until your 30’s like me) but for them, their daughters and their daughters… the cry of FREEDOM!!! Shall ring loud upon them and their fight soon will be rewarded because of you.

Us, older ones--- will continue to help in paving the unpaved path. This will never change, never end.
(time to shower now, to dress and to see you from afar--- one last time) I will drink a toast to you afterwards. Happy mother’s day, birthdays x-mas and all that, but mostly baby, know my darling child that you are not alone, you were born literally in the fires of hell, that sanctity of purity will burn through your veins the rest of your mortal life. Make them count.
https://plus.google.com/photos/106192456536943612939/albums/5733968037696543825

 

The Path Unpaved

I've walked this path alone so often,
I know its form by heart.
And now, as always, my footing's unsure,
on its unstable and rocky start.

I second-guess each step I take,
for fear I'll slip and fall,
That one wrong step will lend me to,
an end that ends it all.

One misplaced foot, one careless word,
an avalanche begins;
The tug of war of heart and mind,
till one of them finally wins.

Each time I've walked this troubled path,
It’s ended journey not together,
Each time I fear that to walk it again,
will tear me apart forever.

I haven't the strength to walk it alone,
nor the energy, if only I knew..
As every time I take this route,
I fear it may be my last too.

I don't know how to stop the pain,
Of traveling down this road again.
I've fought it time and over,
only to start it over again.

Yet each and every day I persevere,
As I steady my Unstable start:
I know that only change can come
From all of Passions Heart.

So if I must, I’ll rest awhile.
Ignore the Siren song.
Take comfort in the truth I dare
Unshakably, I will try to stand eternally strong.

© AngelFury 2005

 https://plus.google.com/photos/106192456536943612939/albums/5733968037696543825

CHAPTER 5 - Incredible Phenomena

April 21, 2012

Last Wednesday (4-18-12) at Washburn rural high school, I let Michelle the advocate talk me into going to your track meet again. One week after you told her how awful I was. Oh baby it was like a light switch turned.

I of course always looking for you- have binoculars and omg you are so beautiful. I found you, you were on the other side of the track, I watched you in the bleachers. As I watched you through the binoculars you walked down the bleachers across the track field you reached my side and were looking through the bleachers, as I continued watching you through the binoculars you started walking up and into the bleachers…..You were so close!! I moved binoculars saw you were maybe 20 feet from me!!

 Scared I turned my head—as to not scare you away --- (Michelle who was watching from a different place) said that you too saw me and like me—you turned but that it was me your mom you were looking for. LoL

Any ways like last time, I had a small gift in a small gift bag. As the meet began Michelle who had talked to your ‘friend’ (a friend of yours) seems to have a rapport with ….

What happened next was beyond words…. For the next three hours… I watched you watching me. Something strange was happening, while you were on the field with your friends—you were hugging them talking to them and then all of you were staring at me this went on until the entire track field was throughout hugging you Rikki staring at me, I wasn’t for sure – are you crying? No, you were smiling. I saw for the first time since your dad stole you a light in your eyes. That beautiful sparkle that long ago died.

Am I imagining? ‘No’ - the advocate said ‘no not all’… she was just as in awe….. of the silent but obvious entire students on the track field—amazing.

 I gave the little gift to the advocate (like I did last time) I was going to try to give it to you myself. I have two more meets to accomplish this goal before again before you turn 18.

I stood boldly, happily by the fence like I did last time—the whole time watching you watching me—your friends watching me.. No binoculars needed- I was that close. J

I was waiting for you to run, then suddenly people started to leave, the meet was over. The kids including you – were walking back to the buses… spectators were leaving, I searched out Michelle the advocate—she was walking my way, she said I guess it’s over, I was heartbroken, the gift--- she smiled said one of your friends came to her and got gift for you! J How cool is that!

I was going to try to find you at a relays to day—and this time would be alone. Michelle said if you were there to just raise the small gift bag and one of your friends will get it.

But unable to go as I have no idea if you are in Lawrence or emporia I have decided to not track around the eastern part of state and instead wait till this Wednesday and then may 2 the last track meet, plus Michelle will be there--- she can read the situation objectively as well, your friends too lol.

Rikki, if I never see you again I can say that that last meet, that smile, the incredible love and support from not only your friends but the coaches was phenomenal. I recall once in 2009, we met. I told you my best friend had been my mom, I looked at you, asked who as your best friend, you burst into tears, “I have no friends mom”—God baby I died a hundred times over. Of course you wouldn’t that would be supremely threatening to daddy’s control and power---- BUT you have them now….wow!!

Perhaps one day maybe we could begin to contact via txt or something through one of ‘all’ your friends. For now, I am so happy to see you surrounded by so many who support you.

I have been on cloud ‘hope’---- since then. I feel warmth in my heart—I feel you my child—my beautiful young adult daughter.

Next meet Wednesday, April 27, 2012 I will see  you then baby. And of course a small gift bag (like a flag) will be there for one of your friends to intercept for you.

I love you Rikki, more than life its self as you are have always been since the day you came out of my womb. My heart left my body.  But you always reside in a mystical, amazing way throughout my entire being. Until next time - or until I am able to write again. Be the wind--- fly high, fly free.
https://plus.google.com/photos/106192456536943612939/albums/5733968037696543825

https://plus.google.com/photos/106192456536943612939/albums

CHAPTER 4 - She’s Like The Wind

April 13, 2012 – Friday (omg lmaO FREEKY FRIDAY)

I love You my daughter, You Are the Wind. 

(post not finished just loose thoughts b4 I 4get - old age ya know)

https://docs.google.com/?tab=wo&authuser=0#folders/0Bx4GGUn1iG7dOUszcGxPRVQ1Zkk

The Google Docs to one file this file - android ready editable even for old codgers like me lol 

I need a secretary a personal one—As I cannot put to paper what comes to mind—perhaps a commitment to a recorder is in due order. My android does this- I will try- I love new age tech- use it to work for us ;-0 even us old dog’s not new tricks but just sensible new easy stuff :-0) so uploading this to somewhere cloud I think so I can access on droid and continue my mix master – lol not the interstate mix master in Dallas- I so cannot wait to tell you Rikki of the stuff you my child are made of—be patient. Hell it’s only life a simple journey- and tech makes it easy even for old senile fucks like myself --- lol  I also need a new pair of shoes!!! Sandals – love summer.

My Dearest Rikki, my daughter,

I saw you win a sprint 2 days ago--- run like the wind. I was able to be closer to you than I have ever been allowed in this past 13 years, simply because you did not recognize me. It has been years since we had even minimal contact. (link Sham in sn co)

I was so truly blessed to have this most special video of you. One I will cherish always. Later, a local advocate gave to you a small trinket from Australia, I knew that you like in the decade and a half, would go into fear mode, if you saw me - as the punishments are great, have been and I know remain.

idk why it wont embed from FB it is now uploading from my droid to youtube account;
http://www.youtube.com/user/ANGELFURY1212/videos

<object width="400" height="240" ><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="movie" value="http://www.facebook.com/v/10150808325015229" /><embed src="http://www.facebook.com/v/10150808325015229" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="240"></embed></object>

https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150808325015229

I told her and perhaps it was God- or granny who allowed the timing of the events—the run—the win—and the words of “Run like the wind - Fly high Fly free”—only “Run Like the Wind” was stated when the advocate gave you the simple un marked small Australian box. 

Your mouth, I was told, dropped open. You knew so much, in a micro second.

Therefore, I know now like I never knew before, that the first seven years of your life, are the foundation of who you will be and are as an adult. Thanks to my mother, your granny, there are many things you will simply know simply feel and not even know why.

I want to try to explain who you really are. Please be patient with me, I am old, I am disorganized, I suffer great physical pain and I am battle worn more than any wartime soldier. 

Any one can endure anything for a while.- what most cannot survive is the time of the torture. I am at the very end of this journey, you my daughter have not even begun, it is with my hope, that my words can help you one day somewhere along this life that I brought you into. It is with so much pain that I alone bear the brunt of bringing you into a world to be tortured. I am sorry but I wish to also say thank you, as I never knew what love was, until you grew inside me, until you beat all the odds and survived at birth, you are a million dollar baby. The army paid in excess of 1 mil for you.

I guess I will start with the fact that today I am not as smart as Iused to be. My health is beyond deteriorated. I may never meet you this life, so I struggle with trying to write. Since the track meet, you showed such courage such strength when you approached the advocate, you alone questioned her, you baby will make it. It is with some of the questions, the anger you have the comments you made that drive me now to do my best to answer.

Denial, disassociation, complete loss of any memory is a normal and human natural response to traumas that are would otherwise kill you. Therefore, you-like I have no memory –it seems- of any past. They are though however there.

Oh where to start……… this is where I always stop. Where do I start? Ok, in response to a few comments you made to the advocate.

Q: My mom is on welfare or paid by the state, my dad gets $600.000 a month cuz she is lazy for my care.

Q: Why didn’t my mom give me the gift.

Q: My dad is the only who loves me, takes care of me, ‘buys’ me whatever I need.

Q: My mom is a slut.

Q: My mom is crazy.

(note to self--amazed that the Nutz and Slutz is still soooo prevalent after all these years)

Q: I cant ‘talk’ to my mom

Q: I don’t know my mom

Q: It must all be my moms fault, because my dad said so.

Ohhh and this one J

Q: Why does she dress so ‘creepy’?

Ok Rikki, even though we have not had the gift of ‘knowing’ each other, there are certain things that can never be severed, certain needs, certain questions, certain feelings.

I also have a most difficult time typing, my bones are still with arthritis, those that were broken and not only is it difficult to walk, stand move, but the mere thought of typing can bring tears to my eyes. This past year I have aged ten years, I know that, I will not have the chance next year to write to you, so in all my madness, my glory, my hope and more than anything-like the past 18 years my love for you ‘drives’ me. When I think I can no longer go on, when I help others, it is you I think of, and for you there is nothing I cannot or will not do.

I have never alluded to myself- I always tried and was super positive. You however were raised like a warrior. To be in awe of the wind, the thunder, the change of the seasons, because you see this they could never take. This is what your first seven years were like. The power of nature, God over the man made human- many who need to be destroyed and will be in time. A world so cruel, so sadistic. I am eternally grateful that I was able to raise you on the power of the enduring human spirit given inalienable rights by our maker- and the strength and the connection that we feel when that power surpasses the evil, on a daily basis—with even just a hint of breeze- a leaf floating aimlessly, the clouds moving in stereo, the sky the tress the sounds of the world that we inhabit.

To be able to ‘run like the wind’- to escape to fly high and to fly free. Yes baby, I know that feeling I was a runner too. J

Part 2 –Reality and Unity

My mother used to always say that she would come back and haunt me from her grave- I ache for her too, but she never has, this however Rikki, will. Granny taught me this – Even when I am gone, I will always be here, like every other mother – we are all one we carry the dead we carry the silent, we care for each other’s children as we would if we could care for our own.  The genocide against mothers and her children is pandemic. Knowing that you are not the ‘only’ one should give credence, as that is step one of the ‘crazy-making’ and the ‘murder of motherhood’.

We, mothers have bonded – we have all lost our heart our souls- our very life force= our children, not to death not to God but to hell it’s self. Some of the children who have survived, have also found voice, validation and although their childhoods were completely destroyed they to are forming in the masses, many have not survived Rikki, many are dead. The fact that I can now write this, means that I now know you will survive, the death part, but now to overcome in spite of your stolen innocence and to be strong, be solid in your convictions of righteousness, of humanist and to have no guilt no remorse regrets and above all to be at complete peace and synchronicity – to be ‘one with the universe’ - this is the most awesome most powerful and the single hope for the survival of the human race. Simple concept - Mother Nature. To just ‘be’.

What is right is right- what is wrong is wrong. No gray areas= just black and white, in a world of destruction, whitewash and bullshit…… come back to you, your heart. What does it say? Do not second guess it, do not ignore it. Act on it, this is how we were made, this is natural this is where we as a society need to get back to—for those of us, and perhaps many generations yet to come we will not be there as  a society, but for now we start with ourselves, we look into the mirror and polish our own souls. With this, we automatically send out that life force to others, until it catches like wild fire, but in the interim my dear sweet child, it will give you the peace, the strength and all the answers are within you- listen to them.

Topeka, KS. Courts Gave Custody of my Daughter to an Admitted and Convicted Batterer- and Have Denied My Daughter and I any meaningful Contact since 2000

Courts Gave Custody of my Daughter to an Admitted and Convicted Batterer- and Have Denied My Daughter and I any meaningful Contact since 2000
July 31, 2000 in Topeka, Kansas

• July 31, 2000 see: Courts Have Continued Abuse Of Manhattan Woman
  http://www.kansas.net/~freepress/7-12-01-8.html
• Court Order-- the custody switch, snail mailed, no motion, no hearing, the Judge on his own made order to take my daughter and give her to an admitted, a convicted Batterer.
  http://j.mp/HLeX0i
• Court Records: http://j.mp/HjEw4N
• Courts online docket of 18 years of Judicial Abuse.http://public.shawneecourt.org/doe/search.jsp?caseNumber=96d217&first&middle&last&mob&yob&location=internet
• What Judicial Abuse looks like. http://j.mp/rcZ3Pl
• KS Appeals and KS Supreme Court Briefs and opinions on Dombrowski v Richardson: http://www.scribd.com/my_document_collections/2728794
• Google “Claudine Dombrowski”

Photo is before custody switch - in our home in Great Bend, KS

“Run baby – Run Like the Wind” My daughter Rikki

https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150808325015229&amp;saved
Yes, she is a Dombrowski - I gave her the first 7 years - her foundation. We have never been allowed to see or talk, so until and if that day should ever come, -- the reality as is with so many mothers, I will never know my daughter, as I have not known her for the past 13 years.
She knows only that she hates me -en re dad. She is angry, she has been forced to suffer for so very long. I pray only for her freedom, hers... if I never see or hear from her again, but know she is finally free from the prison that she only knows-- then I pray that she can one day begin to heal.

The only reason, and was the 1st time since I lost Rikki that I was able to be so close to her at the track meet was simply b/c she does not know me. Does not recall what i look like, and of course their has been minimal to mostly no communication at all this past 13 years. We are strangers.
It was a special gift to be so close after all these years, I will cherish that video.
Rikki is gone, there are no more court battles, there is no justice ever in the system. One day we will meet again, perhaps not in this lifetime, but in another.

I can say with all honesty after 18 years of court bullshit-legal child trafficking, torture, torment....I am glad it is -has been over.
Now, to try to seek peace in what is left of my life, and of course to continue to expose, to warn mothers to run, run hard run fast.
https://www.facebook.com/AngelFury/timeline/story?ut=32&amp;wstart=962434800&amp;wend=965113199&amp;hash=10150788132295229&amp;pagefilter=3

Civil Suit - PTSD

February 23, 2012 DAY ONE  - ->>>added this title after my entry ->>>J(from the battle  zone and on to peace- a somewhere chapt in my LEAVING THE WAR ZONE – A Battered Mothers Memoirs for Her daughter) either that or twilight zone J

Met with Eric Kjorlie, Civil Federal attorney today. Apparently someone or ones have paid a retainer to this man to take my case from local to appellate to federal, donations of cash assistance have been given to me today in the amount of 500$  w more to be expected—people just started putting 20$ bills in (So I was told). I am still in awe and not quite sure exactly what’s going on.

Several things. From federal investigation to civil lawsuits, and internal and external pressure. And some very beautiful people who just want to see Rikki be safe and know her mom) wow—the tears the past week have flowed steady.

I will meet w federal investigator tomorrow on my way to the VA. Another investigator who will be or is protecting my daughter--They (used as in plural) are in awe at what I have placed on internet- for the love of my daughter. The case file—I was told that it’s like the Sally Field’s movie—‘Not Without My Daughter’. The feds lawyer et el are going to have VA  Doctors who specialize in PTSD war time soldiers build the case of just that. My war zone PTSD and continue  in civil and federal suits.

 What little I know atm is that apparently, I did so good at documentation from the beginning to well the end that there is now a federal investigation, a civil suit beginning and oddly enough a backwards turn to reintegration with my child, as the system has is and continues to fail to protect me, that I have had to go public to stay alive. (and I did) That the father of my daughter is still destroying me by withholding my child and apparently PTSD-(understatement) war type battle fatigue by the courts in Kansas and perpetrator is a direct cause for the 17 years of failure by all parties involved. As well, I am still under attack as – I am still a ghost, in hiding while the enemy walks free. That one really did hit home. They are right, I am still under attack- a ghost. Somehow I don’t think I will be for the rest of my life. Lawyer said its time to turn the tables. Have an address like ya know a house not a P.O. Box—I agree, never dreamed it to be remotely possible though—never thought of it till today. I am now though.

There is more as you can imagine… for now I am really exhausted, shocked that someone  or ones have retained this lawyer  anonymously to proceed on Rikki and I behave from local to federal court.

Then, there is the federal investigation of all parties involved. Court system and out system. The drugs, the pay offs the crooked judges, cops and attorneys.

It has all been set up, I go to VA tomorrow ( they already have my DD214 pulled) I meet w federal investigator tomorrow who has protection on my daughter, and  I swear I feel like I stepped though another twilight zone.

I have been told that, I will soon see Rikki on the PTSD expert from VA- about 3 mos- ish and that there will be no objection to Rikki and I being reintegrated via the PTSD VA expert.

I connect every one, twice today my history was reviewed w me, the players, the money, the beatings the continued torture. Apparently this is the case that they want to use to have extreme impact on the nations courts, kind of like we had hoped back in the 1999 1^st appeal and petition for review. kind of a strange curve but sensible one to take the PTSD angle, it twists in the current chaos of the courts being fit- depressed, when your children are ripped away et el—the fucked up therapeutic jurisprudence of abuse being ignored and abusers  given the further control to –think war – the enemy continues to torture the soldier.

 I am not in control; I can just be me--- in all my pain, and glory. Not to mention all the indictments including daddy. I was told to have fun even lol

I know nothing about civil law- let alone used in local courts with the federal guidance. Or other my brain cells are just not linked there.

Writing more for myself at this moment, I have such an aversion to shrinks… I do have PTSD towards them. I used to work at the VA, I see the reasoning and the plan, this now out of there league. My heart beating hard, the sadness  of so much with Rikki my sweet  child, worst than I,  who has herself battled alone all these years.

 They said I reminded them of the Sally Fields movie- ‘Not Without My Daughter’. I have it recorded. Will continue my old habits, trust none record all, my mom taught me to always make sure that court record was complete, b/c one day it would be investigated and although much is lost—many more may one day be spared.

 At this moment… I feel my mom with me. I pray that my daughter feels my arms around her this very very windy night.

I have already done it all--- nothing for me to do but – heal—funny how shrink – well PTSD - VA doc may just offer that, a chance to see Rikki before she ages out , a chance to get to know each other again, and in the interim, perhaps karma will come full swing.

If ever I did feel crazy in all these years—its now, I laugh thinking how the crazy part of sanity will be turned back into seneschal—trauma—a special trauma reserved for soldiers in war. PTSD - not crazy, but normal. And….. the enemy is still inflicting pain.

I know nothing about fed law- I know nothing about civil law- I do know a bit about internal and external pressure J

I also am in complete awe that in this past year—I somehow open the doors and hearts of people who are now taking overt and covert action. I feel sort of like a leaf blowing in the wind—a gentle wind. A seneschal wind, for this moment anyhow.

Has been insane this past week, could only begin with today. I will try to write each day as it happens journaling—like I did in the 90s—only this time, its not me doing it, I just follow along and let go…

Hell been accused of crazy so many years lol. PTSD back is brilliant, a way to begin the process of ending the craziness, and more so, they want Rikki and I to know each other, be at peace and to never fear again.

Yaaawnnnnnnnnn g-night my friend. (((hugz))

CHAPTER 3 - The Custody Switch - Safe Visit of Topeka, Kansas - The Scam, Court Ordered Abuse for profit-

Because of the Fathers Rights Initiatives. Mommies NOT needed. Just Access Visitation Programs.

 I had not finished this chapter but due to the recent article about safe Visit and Connie Sanchez in Topeka Kansas, "United Way pulls funding on Safe Visit program"  I published what I have written thus far for use on a blog article about Save Visit Loosing their Funding and HOPEFULLY Closing by February..... in the article it states max 30 one hour supervised visits.


Rikki and I were SUPERVISED there for over Decade - 15 YEARS. Incredible. Two lives completely destroyed ... the best they could come up with was a limit of 30 hours. If this had been the rule in the many years of  it's inception in 1995 and in 1996 when we were 1st Court Ordered to the 'human trafficking' and 'Take Battered Mothers Children and give to Abusers Program' aka Safe Visit. These people need to go down, them and all ACCESS VISITATION aka Custody Switch Programs for Batterers.

Perhaps.... ...a mother and daughter would know each today if 30 hours was max......As is, there has been absolutely no contact in several years. Which is why I began writing or attempts to "Leaving The War Zone."

#####
Chapter Three - The Custody Switch, The Scam, The Profit$

June 15^th 2011 7:00 A.M.

Rikki with her Mother Claudine Dombrowski. Casualties of Safe Visit Program Who Assist's Batterers In Getting Child Custody, While Erasing Mother.

It’s Wednesday, ‘hump day’. I am sitting outside this cool morning drinking my coffee, feeling the warmth on my legs listening to the world waking up- I am reminded of a time –many years ago when rikki and I were still safe. In w. Kansas in our in Pawnee rock.

I would sit outside drinking my coffee in the early morning quiet. The weather cool- watering my awesome flowers that I had landscaped for several years.

Our home was beautiful. We had a small pool 12 ft for Rikki her friends and I. These were warm memory days. Days when I knew where my daughter was, days when hope floated with each beating of her heart. I would love to watch her sleep- she sleeps like I do- rough. She snores- like I do- and inherited maternal trait from my own dear mother.

 Allergies tend to hit us with a storm, but we never let them effect the beauty and joy of each precious day we had. At this time in the late 90’s we had only 3 weeks together before the week long hell visits would begin for her.

The courts start in the custody switch. A game that is now known to many mothers- “The Custody Switch” mine came on snail mail by the Judge with out motion from either party, without hearing, the judge simple on his own issued his own 9 page order on July 31, 2000 that rikki would be living with her father. And that if I foreclosed on our beautiful home and quit my well paying state job (dad never paid child support - I never needed it - I had been working for the state of Kansas as a psychiatric nurse for almost 13 years ) I was to quit my job, severe all contact with my home, rikkis home, and relocate to Topeka Kansas (the courts knowing that do to my physical injuries inflicted by  daddy dearest that I would not be able to work in Topeka—Larned state hospital had made concessions for my physical disabilities- and Topeka state hospital had closed in 1996- when I moved to Pawnee Rock).

That day, july 31, 2000 will always mark the day-:the music died’.- we had after 6 years of heavy litigation and after I had spent in upwards of over 1 million dollars—my child was gone.

I was forced into unemployment, homelessness, and no health care—all for “the best interest of the child’. Makes no sense does it? Daddy prompty tried to get me back into the house by forcing me to have ssex to even see rikki—I did. Who wouldn't.

By December of that same year, the last time I saw rikki with out armed guard—daddy had beaten rikki so badly, I could not allow her suffering anymore -- I confronted him—only to find that once again as a good ‘co-parenting’ (as quoted by Harry Moore Case manger—‘it’s called co-parenting deal with it”) I had the hell beat out of me again. (this is co-parenting).

 I then found myself brutally raped that same beating Dec 16^th,2000 just two days after rikki had been beaten, (she fell up the hill btw) her face swollen and tears in her eyes. God rikki I am so sorry, I am so sorry. I tried to protect her, I did the unthinkable. I reported it.

As all protective mothers are - I was swiftly denied any contact with my dear sweet rikki for the next two years. Then when I was placed into supervised visits—they were arm guard—hence began the next decade of our lives. When I was able to see her it was through safe visits only. The cost was excruciating, the time was only an hour—we could not hug we could not talk about anything past dull, how’s school etc. And never never about why we were even there, why mom and daughter could not even see each other in the park, outside or at home, or go anywhere. 

We remained confined to a 10’ x 10’ room with 1 monitor, 1 supervisor, 1 armed Shawnee county sheriff guard – all within arm distance - the monitor wrote down everything we said - everything we did. They even would stop us when we would talk to fast, so they could catch up. 

 I am sorry Rikki. (of course- I am not to have access to these reports) I do have some reports that they sent to the court or to the guardian ad litem. Not all mind you but some. See here: SAFE VISIT REPORTS & MEMOS 

I am brought back to present day, the sun warm on my legs. The cool morning air of a Kansas summer. A life time ago. I have no contact with Rikki. Its been more that a year and a half since I last talked to or saw her. I have always been able to follow her cyber prints. But they ceased a month ago. No one knows where she is—dad will not report her missing. He is dad after all—still with his child’s coffin and hunting rifle on the wall. No one sees a problem with this.

Where are you baby? I pray you are safe, I pray you are alive. 

There have been no unidentified bodies in the 100 mile radius fitting her description. ‘whew’. 

Since I am a nobody the police will not help inform me of her whereabouts—after all dad a snitch for the police has just helped to ‘bag’ a 60 person felony drug bust—so they are really protecting him. –as usual