Showing posts with label Kansas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kansas. Show all posts

Sunday, May 5, 2013

July 12, 2001 (From the Archives) Courts Have Continued Abuse Of Manhattan Woman

Courts Have Continued Abuse Of Manhattan WomanBy Jon A. Brake
Manhattan Free Press
http://www.kansas.net/~freepress/7-12-01-8.html

MANHATTAN, KS - To some this could be considered beautiful. Solid mahogany is beautiful when given a high finish and it does have a high finish. It is about four to four and a half feet long, a foot and a half high; with shinny brass handles at the foot and head. A child's coffin, in this home has been turned into a coffee table.

To Claudine Dombrowski it is not beautiful, that is her daughter, six-year-old Rikki on the couch behind the threatening coffee table. If a coffin coffee table is not enough, a hunting rifle hangs on the wall above the couch.

Claudine, a Manhattan resident, was divorced from Hal Richardson in Shawnee County District Count in 1997. She had been a repeat victim of Domestic Violence and a repeat victim of the State Court System.
What does the Court System think of the coffin coffee table? In a letter to Shawnee County District Court Division Two Judge Richard D. Anderson, Harry Moore, with the Court Services stated: "When I was at the house, I did not recognize anything which in my experience resembled a child's coffin. After looking at the picture and speaking with Mr. Richardson, I have come to find out that it is indeed a coffin and that it was an antique which he purchased in Mexico several years ago and uses as a coffee or end table of sorts."

What about the rifle? Mr. Moore said, "There is also a secured hunting weapon hanging on Mr. Richardson's wall. The thing which is striking about this specific issue is that it contains a remarkable leap of logic. For instance, I am the owner of a 7.9 mm Mauser rifle which was the standard issue firearm for the German soldier in World War II. This weapon was procured by my father who served in Europe during the war. This weapon also hangs on the wall in  my rec room. Does my ownership and display of this firearm lead one to the conclusion that I am a Nazi?"

The question Mr. Moore failed to answer is: "Is it a leap of logic for an abused woman to see the child's coffin and the rifle as more than furniture? Is there a message to the mother? The Shawnee District Court has missed many messages when it comes to the violence in this case.

When reading Court documents it is clear that attorneys have intentionally muddied the waters. It was a nasty divorce, those things happen. Eight or more attorneys, three different Judges and several Court Service workers have filed motion after motion. In the end a Judge wants to compel a dysfunctional family to be normal. It can't be done.

Halleck (Hal) Richardson and Claudine Dombrowske lived together for several months before they were married on November 22, 1995. Divorce papers were filed four month later. By this time records show Hal Richardson had abused Claudine and he had Domestic Battery and Criminal Damage to property convictions.

Hal had seven other convictions before 1995. The convictions were for Battery, Attempted Battery, Battery of a Law Enforcement Officer, Obstruction of Legal Process, Possession of Marijuana and an Open Container conviction.

Most of the Probation Conditions were never followed up on by court officials. After the Domestic Battery conviction, Hal was ordered to attend an "Alternatives to Battering Program" put on by the Battered Women Task Force in Topeka. A few of the comments made on Hal's report were: "Client rude and disrespectful to female co-facilitator as evidenced by his combative stance, his repeated interruptions, his sexist language and his refusal to accept any responsibility."

Another report stated: "Client very disruptive during group, this was evidenced by the fact that he interrupted the facilitator repeatedly by making rude comments, laughing and telling inappropriate sexist jokes."
And finally: "Called PO (probation officer) and client to tell them that he had graduated as far as I was concerned. He only has 17 sessions, but is causing too much trouble with his mouth. Terminated, with cause. Will not be accepted back."

The divorce proceedings were extended for eighteen months. Throughout the proceedings Claudine's attorneys filed numerous reports claiming violations of the restraining order and requesting an order to sever contact between Hal, Claudine and daughter Rikki.

The first involved an incident that both parties agreed in court happened, they just could not agree what happened. Claudine said she was hit in the head with a crow bar and Hal said it was a piece of wood. What ever he hit her with it took 24 stitches to close the head wounds.

At a hearing on June 17, 1996 Shawnee County District Court Judge Jan W. Leuenberger signed order giving custody of Rikki to Claudine and authorizing her to move to the Great Bend area so that "Ms. Dombrowski could avoid the history of physical and verbal abuse she had suffered from Mr. Richardson."
Hal was given supervised visitation.

As in many divorce cases the Judge on November 5, 1996 appointed Mr. Scott McKenzie, Attorney at Law, to serve as Guardian ad Litem to appear on behalf of Rikki. Mr. McKenzie was very experienced in juvenile court proceedings with more than 1,000 cases but this was only his sixth Guardian ad Litem. Under Mr. McKenzie direction visitation terms were worked out to where Claudine would keep Rikki for three weeks and then Hal would have her for a week.

Before the Divorce Trial started a new Judge took over. Judge James P. Buchele replaced Judge Leuenberger.

It is about this time the Court and Court appointed case workers attitued changed. Judge Buchele saw that fifty people were being called as witnesses for the trial. He placed a limit of five for each side. This can be done but it can cause problems. Court documents state: "These limits made it difficult or impossible for Ms. Dombrowski to bring in all of the witnesses to corroborate here clams." During the trial the Judge would not allow hearsay evidence but the proper witness was not there to testify.

At trial Mr. McKenzie indicated, "after reading the police reports of the violence, and the doctor's reports, he was not able to validate any of the truth of any of the accusations of violence made by Ms. Dombrowski."
When asked about Mr. Richardson's criminal history Mr. McKenzie recalled only a single offense for driving under the influence of alcohol, and was unaware of the misdemeanor convictions including the domestic violence battery against Claudine. He was unaware of a misdemeanor battery for a bar fight and the battery of a law enforcement officer.

Records of the Battered Women's Task Force had never been reviewed by Mr. McKenzie. Even thou Claudine had received support from the facility. In a report to the court Mr. McKenzie had recommended anger management therapy for Claudine but not for Hal.

In Judge Buchele's Orders after the trial he made it clear that he wanted more from this couple than what was possible. Here is what he wrote: "Mutual parental involvement with this child has been made worse by Ms. Dombrowski's unilateral decision to move to Larned, Kansas in May of 1996. The distance between Topeka and Larned makes it virtually impossible for an individual treater to work with the family; for Mr. Richardson to have regular and frequent contact with this child; to establish any reasonable dialogue between the parents toward resolving their conflicts. The move from Topeka to Larned, due to the proximity of the parties, has lessened the physical violence. It has, however, done violence to the relationship of Rikki and her father. If long distance visitation is continued, in the Court's view, will take its toll not only on Rikki but each of the parties. The Court specifically finds that separation of the child from either parent for long periods of time is harmful for a child of about three years of age."

He then went on to require Claudine to move back to the Topeka area.
And then Judge Buchele made a judgment that some Manhattan attorneys say is not legal. Judge Buchele ordered: "Further, respondent (Claudine) is directed to not call law enforcement authorities to investigate the petitioner (Hal) without first consulting with the case manager."

On December 14, 2000 after returning her daughter to her fathers home Claudine alleges that she was battered and raped by Hal. Under order not to call law enforcement authorities and with bleeding that would not stop, she drove to St. Marys, Kansas to get treatment. Claudine knew that if she had gone to a Topeka Hospital they would have called the police.

In St. Marys hospital officials did contact the Pottawatomie Sheriff and a report was made. She was advised that because the alleged event occurred in Shawnee County she would have to file there. Claudine said that because of the battery and rape she picked up Rikki the next day and did not return her. The Shawnee County Sheriff's Department was called and took Rikki back to Topeka. The court gave Hal custody and orders for her to attend Topeka schools.

As it stands now, Rikki is with her father in Topeka. Claudine gets two one-hour visits per week. The child will go to school in Topeka unless a new motion, which will be filed this week, is granted. The motion will request that Claudine be given custody and Rikki be allowed to attend school in Manhattan.
This case has received national attention by the National Organization for Women; the Judicial Initiative Commission Hearing by the Citizens for Good Judges and it was told to the Kansas Justice Commission in 1997.

A new Judge will be hearing the motion. Judge Richard D. Anderson took over the case on the retirement of Judge Buchele. But, unless Claudine receiveds help from Kansas citizens, the abuse will continue. In July of 2000 Judge Anderson reaffirmed all of Judge Buchele's previous orders. Evan the order to not call law enforcement authorities
Webmaster Note:  You can contact Judge Richard D. Anderson at (785) 233-8200 ext. 4350

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

July 2001 (From the Archives) Original Website



Rikki's Story

(This page is updated frequently...please refresh <F5> often)
       
                     Rikki Alexandria Dombrowski and her mom Claudine.                       The child-sized Coffin coffee table to show HE's in charge.
Please contact the new Court contacts and well as the prosecuting attorney.
Please read the following initial newspaper article for Rikki's horrifying story.
Picture of Rikki and Claudine the day after Rikki was born. Mom has a black eye!
Picture of Battery of Mom (WARNING: VERY GRAPHIC) dated 12/14/2000
Picture of Battery of Rikki (Not as graphic but does show recently healed split lip and bruised nose) dated 12/10/00
Who is Claudine? During correspondance with Rep. Kent Glasscock the following letter was written.

Updates

8/25/01 - Added an interested CNN contact - Greta Van Susteren
8/25/01 - Related Petition added to Links section
8/25/01 - Updated Contact Information and reorganized a bit.
8/23/01 - Letter from supporter asking about Claudine's 'secret's ... is there more to the story you're not telling us?

Repsonses and Correspondence

Other documents

Messages and Quotes

Plea for Help

Contact Information:

Links

We are not alone!

 

Visitor # 19962

Last Modified: 8/25/2001 10:10:50 PM
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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Chapter 8 - Memories: Past, Present, Future

Feb. 5, 2013

Mother, daughter and granddaughter.

A strong and powerful maternal bond created by God

for mothers and daughters only. 

 

A  Mother Hold’s

Her Daughters Heart Forever

   

 

Nineteen and half years, that’s how long I have lived in hell on earth. I was four months pregnant when I was first hit. Pregnant with my dear daughter at age 30 a pregnancy that I was told I could never get pregnant-- one I would never have, one that proved to be life threatening not only to my daughter but to myself. Then, throw in all the stomach punches…. And as the pregnancy continued the violence only increased. Until Rikki was taken emergency c-section, the Dr’s saying - about my daughter “prepare, she may not live, in fact it highly unlikely”. You did. All legs no brown fat and several weeks in the neonate intensive care unit. You lived.

After your birth, nothing else mattered. I was determined focuses like no other and hence began the next 18 years. My fight to be free of torture, to free my child to believe in a beautiful world to raise her with the goal that there is no limits to what she can dream what she can do and who she is.

The most special and most beautiful person, born out of the ashes of pain and suffering to be a wholesome, loving smart and wise person.

 

I try to write to you. I try. There has been such a ‘block’. Awhile back I threw all the documents of court litigation away. (Most never scanned as it happened before the age of technology.) It was all my life, it was you. It was painful all the pain all the truth all the lies, I disposed of. Literally it filled a semi tractor trailer, representing millions of dollars - that is plural the millions - of the fight for simple justice that never came. The whole – “The truth will always win” - never came. Not in the hell of the judiciary any ways. Please always believe what the heart tells you there is baby an Ultimate Justice, a beautiful Justice and that Justice is eternal.

With putting the legal away (that part of life now over) I am now able to look at my memories before we were separated. It doesn’t hurt like it did. In fact I even smile. It is as it should be.

 

You are 18 now, as of December 12, 2012 -- but still you will be trapped until age 23. That is when my Social Security Disability payments will run out for your dad - as payee to you, my dependent child. At this date the amount is about $800.00 a month. But in order for him to keep it he must keep you, and so you will continue school in a local community college, still living under his control, his transportation his, his, his, his…

One day, you will leave - but only allowed - when he knows without a doubt - that his control remains complete - and that you will never think to attempt to reach out to your mother. But you will think-- and once gone your mind will begin to question (yes I know and unheard of thing - dare to question - but is normal) as no longer will the ‘punishment’ for thinking about your mom be physically there. It will be subconsciously - scary at first, as you have been conditioned like “Pavlov’s dogs” to avert all such thinking. Evan Stark writes about this in Coercive Control.

Do not be afraid baby, but at the same time do not push it. Let it happen as it may, let your defenses block when it is too painful. And for many years this is what will happen.

12111

12121 I too, am going through that. I had to - many years ago pack up all your photos, all the memories and store them in a place that was safe. Safe to not hurt me. Safe to survive, safe to continue the battle, to focus only on the task at hand. When I packed up all the legal documents unknown to me, eventually I was able to look at your photos, and was able to really see past all the red hot pain. I am currently trying to get all this up on line along with all the home videos Granny made, I still cannot watch those, the pain torturous. But slowly – literally as the years pass they are getting there. My goal to have it all up by your graduation. ( I can always view on line via mobile technology from anywhere in the world)

When you turned 18 December 12. 2012 - It was and I really did not expect this - was my freedom. The titanic was no longer chained to my neck; I no longer was gasping holding my head up for each and every breath. It felt good. To the normal person it would be like the child has grown, now let her go and let her spread her wings and fly--- fly high, fly free. Our mantra baby from all those years ago and here it is back again. It’s the beginning of your life and the last that I will be able to even watch you from a distance, like I have watched you grow quietly from the sidelines, just a blurred face, a stranger who was always there at all your events. Me - Your mother.

High School Track will be coming soon next month; I will be at every single track meet. Your last of High school. I plan to stay throughout them all - in years past the physical pain many times had forced me to leave before the end - most meets out of town lasting 8 hours on a cold hard bench. Since my lower back was kicked out of place, the vertebrae not breaking only twisting the pain of sitting standing becomes too much. But this year, I will sit front seat front row at all track meets.

After all, the last time I see the most beautiful woman in the world, my precious, my heart, my every breath - my daughter.

 

Then in May 2013 - your high school graduation. Again, I will be on the front row. I will not cower nor be intimidated or frightened. With your graduation a set of luggage, a new international cell phone, my 3 T external drive. I hope as well to finish the collage you and I started. It got ruined but will hand clean each and every image you and I placed then use new clean clear Hodge- Podge (the stuff I placed on it turned everything cloudy white L ) Not thinking how important they were – memories- I had mostly blown it off, I know that now they need preserved and finished with love.

When I met you in the parking lot of your school (27 seconds - after so many years of no contact) and gave to you all the stuff you had asked me to keep safe for you from all these years gone by – years before all our contact was ended, (you smiled like you would at a family reunion when meeting an uncle bob who gave you something— someone you may have met once in your life when you were 6) you were polite and with a smile you accepted your gift box….. all your stuff from granny - well the important limited edition stuff, heirlooms.

This is when I realized that you too had absolutely no memory. Of not of just the decades past but even from just a few years ago.

In talking with another mother who had contact w her daughter and even regained custody of her daughter, her daughter too has absolutely no memory of even a few years ago. This mother’s daughter started college out of state, the mother worried that the memories will come and incapacitate her. I thinking of you and even worst, no contact for the better part of the last 10 years of your life. No just hanging out with your mom, talking, laughing, shopping—doing everything and nothing, things that most mothers and daughters have. Each other.

111You were denied that. I had not died, so even worst to keep us apart words, hate and shock conditioning were implemented from the time my baby you were taken from your mother at age 6.

It was never that we feared each other—it was the fear of the punishment of seeing each other that we knew would happen. We feared it.

Again Evan Stark’s coercive control – that power of consequence, even when no longer does it exist—well for you now it does, but one day it will not, but the stripping of that autonomy will remain. You can read much about coercive control on the internet. I have met w Evan he is an amazing person. He also touches on the taking of a woman’s child as has happened with us as just one part of the coercive control. Human rights.

He explains where words cannot, it is not the single physical attack, and it is not so simple to just leave. It is a control that has never before been seen in any other crime victim, a control that long holds its victims’ across space and time.

 

The memories will come. One day. This is why I try to write now. So one day you can be validated set free from that pain. The mother above I was talking to - her daughter too. But she has her mom, although it is painful, when she should need to - her mother, she now knows and she will be ok.

My daughter, they have stripped away not only our autonomy but for you, all that is left is just another memory - of your mother. A memory that through the years has been chipped away and replaced with inaccurate and falseness. I can only say baby, that when you begin (and I will hopefully have released all else that holds me down by your graduation, will also mark the end and beginning for me) that I will be able to seriously leave the war zone and seriously write to my own distant memory. You my daughter.

I do not know you - but I do know the strength of the bonds of a mother and daughter. I know this from my own mother and I. We were the most close in the last 20 years, because of you J my momma was there when my heart opened, for the first almost 7 years of your life you were endowed with incredible beyond words, wise, compassion, strength wisdom and a love like no other.

 

I did not understand it then but my mother your granny had said “However you are at age 7 is exactly who you are as an adult” - this is your core platform. She was then preparing me for what she must have already foreseen… that we would not be together that justice would fail.

I miss my mom, I miss her terribly. Each spring I miss her more. As it always takes me to the ‘feel-good’ I had when we went home to Texas - cold in Kansas, swimming pool at granny’s J Home….. That’s where we were and the most peaceful time of my life, the constant laughter of you baby and granny, the amazing invisible but seen and amazingly felt - the strong bonds between you and granny. Two peas in a pod. Two hearts beating as one.

I know that all you had loved has been destroyed and replaced in your memories. I will try to put more up about the two of you—you and Granny. I think that your 1st know is the fact that if you have ever been told and then viciously dislike or think how evil or dangerous any one from your maternal family is—know that the worst—is actually the best. The more you were taught to fear someone the more that someone is very important and is to you. I would use that as a guide.

Incredible isn’t it? I as an old lady now, a smart one, even a psych nurse, could I have imagined the not only current placement of the years of torture but even the decades later. For you, for myself, for what was your maternal family. All but gone now. Granny, great gramps J he loved you so much! You him lol.

22

Memories, they are important when the mind is ready. No hurry no worry, just know that I unconditionally love you. When you were born my life changed, once a mother ALWAYS a mother, nothing else matters… everything I had ever done in my life the very full life as when I turned 18 I too was set free… and Baby I lived my life—the world was mine and I experienced it 100x more than the normal person… If I thought about something—I did it. J As for you my daughter - I wish this.

The sky is the limit!! I know that you recall that I used to sky dive… I know that for some reason you thought that was beyond cool. I guess looking back it was J but at the time it was just yet another of the beautiful things I experienced because I thought about it.. Think you want to do that. And do it - I did. You think it - baby girl and then it is yours – do it. Live life it really is a most amazing venture.

 

Then one day (I pray- a very long time away) you will become a mother. J and all that you have done will still be memories and there but as a mother God has connected you to your child and a daughter mother bond is even more profound because we are the creators of life, a magic if you will made into us, mother is humanity, that’s just how God made us and really baby although our experience has been nothing except harrowing, that golden thread is still there and one day we meet again and no words will be needed. Like I and my mother, we just picked up where we were…. (I had stopped talking to my mother ten years prior to your birth—I don’t even know why—some silly stupid-ness that seemed important when I was a bratty kid through the years I had long forgotten why--) But when we did meet, and Rikki it was you my darling, nothing else mattered.

 

My mother was and is my very best friend. The last time I saw her, I was able to see her as not just my friend, your granny but as a mother herself. The wooden statute – (I gave to you in your b-day box) a tree carving --- from the same tree branching into a mother and another branch into a daughter was the last xmas gift she gave me before she died. Instantly I loved it – thinking of you and I—and although my beautiful mother loved her daughter—me--- as I love my daughter –you. She said “You know, I too am a mother who loves her daughter more than anything”. My most treasured of all—but knowing that I needed for you to have this – as with all granny’s heirlooms- it was time to give to you.

tree

 

I will never forget the pain in her face when she gave it to me—not from the painful terminal illness that took her soon after. But of the pain she felt because she was powerless to stop the pain of her daughter. Myself. I boarded the plane to come back to Kansas to as granny said “Fight for my granddaughter”. That was the last time I saw her alive.

It was also the last time you and I -- 2nd and 3rd generation had any further contact.

Though out this past 18 years, we were allowed only a few supervised visits -in a year – many years not even that…. This is how you grew up. Perhaps with the paid hours of supervised visits maybe combined a Month? Then again perhaps not even that….. In all your 18 years.

But like granny said, we are bound and it is always there. All through eternity.

 

 

Folder – Notes, Belgium, pictures, Romania, History…

https://docs.google.com/folder/d/0Bx4GGUn1iG7dOUszcGxPRVQ1Zkk/edit?usp=sharing

Thursday, September 20, 2012

CHAPTER 7 – The Witch’s Hat

 

015_15

 

 

The Witch’s Hat

September 18, 2012 - Tuesday

This past few weeks have been pretty good. I usually get very sad when summer ends. The pool, the heat. This has been one of the absolute hottest summers I can ever recall in my 46 years. Triple digits were the normal. On Labor Day, my window AC went out. So the following week I stayed in the pool. Stayed cool. I love the solitude of being out in the country. The quiet, the peace. My raw nerves – turned inside out this past two decades have taken such a toll on me. The stress, the emotional pain has shown its self through physical outlets.

During the summer, the memories of being in the pool with my daughter, growing up in a pool myself, and the memories’ of my mother. Memories suck. Their were so many bad ones. So much suffering. The torture camps not unlike those of the concentration camps, the fear, the 24-7 fear.

The beatings were almost like a release. A Release of that constant fear. As then for a a day, maybe two. All was quiet. Constant chaos soon followed.

Present day, in healing from trauma, sometimes one simply cannot recall all the ‘things’ that happened. The mind works like that. It takes care of us. So when trauma is enduring to survive within the mind, you block that ‘trauma’ out. This is a normal thing, a healthy thing and one that is built in to our human composition, of coping adapting and evolving.

The thing is, with the blocking of all that bad – went the few precious moments we had, Rikki and I. With even thinking about her, the pain of her loss the pain of the past ‘constant’ 14 years of court litigation (Continued abuse, torment) I have had to put her few pictures away. This past year I have slowly began to convert the old VHS tapes into digital and DVD. I have for all these years been unable to look at them. The pain immense. Even in her photographs, complete strangers could even see in her once very happy , dancing sparkling eyes disappear. Each years school photo they diminished until finally the light was gone altogether.

The only photos I was allowed to have, from kindergarten through 6th grade. In them alone shows the years of agony she suffered. SCAN PHOTOS HERE Each year, her eyes were darker, until finally the light in them was completely gone. So in order to survive, I have had to put those photos away, in a scrap book. Again, at the loss the helplessness and agony of my baby girl who was robbed of everything, especially her mother. A childhood of fear, loss and torment. Destined to follow her through adulthood.

The good memories are precious few, those years were as well stolen, tainted with the ever ending struggle of court abuse, but we were together and we made those few times good. It is no wonder that when the bad is blocked the good as well because they are all attached to the torment our human rights, we had none. We still do not.

But this year, as I was packing up my summer clothes, preparing for winter, thankful in fact as the summer damn near killed me. To hot even for hell. I was going through what few things remain from my life. Not much. A few old boxes. It was sorta like a treasure hunt, I saw of course things that reminded me of all the bad, things of my baby girl that I have promised to preserve for her. A gentle smile crossed my face.

Then just out of nowhere a Witch’s hat. My hat. Then I recalled the most wonderful of all memories. Halloween. Fall, the entire month was always ours. That was the only one thing that was consistent, one thing that did not come with pain inflicted by the abuser himself or his court whore proxy’s.

No one wanted that day, Halloween, not like every other holiday, even mother’s day we were robbed of all. Dad always got her every single holiday. As he was the non custodial parent, I just the evil bitch mom who wanted to set herself and her daughter free of torture. But, Halloween….. became ours. We celebrated the fall the holiday throughout the month. We decorated beginning with fall and working into the Halloween spirit. On this day, we could be anything we wanted. This day was always a ‘safe’ day for us. Nothing bad ever happened. It was ours, it was special and we had so much fun.

Every year we would add more to our ‘holiday’ boxes - cool Halloween decorations themes. We had an entire 12 x 15 ft. room filled with storage boxes of nothing but fall and Halloween decorations. Throughout these last 13 true hell years, those were all but lost a little at a time, then a lot. Until about 3 years ago, when I stopped seeing anything. As I did not put them up. Eventually, it left my mind as well. Once again, Those precious few good memories attached to the bad.

But this witch’s hat, out of nowhere - in what few things are left at all, (not even enough to fill a 10 x 10 ft room) this hat was ‘just’ there. Instantly I had a very comforting feeling, placed it on my head and continued to go through seeking winter clothing, packing summer clothing. Not really thinking about it nor the significance of the hat - just that all was well, like it had always been there. Just a nice feeling, a feeling odd to me, comfortable somehow ‘connected’ in a life long ago forgotten. The hat has been with me every day since, not consciously aware that, I kept it nor that it is always close to me.

But as the days began to pass I realized that it was in my car, on the couch,- kinda like with your keys and billfold. The peacefulness of fall all around, the critters all doing their scurrying around, the trees with the ever so slight sound of the old tired leaves scorched from the summer also awaiting the first freeze, before they turn the most vibrant of all colors - fall colors. The winds slightly beginning to shift. Yes the world, the seasons, Mother Nature. So very beautiful. So with all this and preparing my little house for winter, cleaning rearranging, feeling alive, being creative, thinking about absolutely nothing. There sits this witch’s hat.

About a week later, actually just a few days ago - the movie ‘twister’ came on TV late I just happened to be up the with the rain storms this week, they have gone from muggy hot to the classic fall cool. Rikki’s absolute number one favorite movie back then in the late 90’s was “Twister”. As I watched it I was thinking about how granny had dubbed her soaps over rikki’s twister tape, and Rikki in tears said “granny, you taped your soaps on my twister tape’ – she was heartbroken. Lmao So was Granny, bless her heart, she was able to get not one but several more tapes of “Twister”. Yes that was a good memory. J

Still the witch’s hat, sits near. I see it has a purple feather and purple stone. Then, I recall why I bought that particular witch’s hat, its purple for the color of anti domestic violence. Even way back then as new a survivor, that purple was sacred. So now I have not only the memory of the Halloween but the subtle deeper meanings coming through as well. I survived, my daughter was safe. (back then – late 90’s) But, Still all is well. These memories are without any fear or pain. They just feel good. Atop my aching heart as I grieve the loss of my child. And at this point all resources long ago depleted to keep that special connection with her. It died when my mother died. The courts and daddy made sure that we never spoke again, nothing. Just gone. Like my mom. But in a more brutal way. You see I know my mom is with Jesus, Rikki however is with pure evil. Brutal does not come close.

Then the following day, the movie ‘Hocus Pocus’ came on…. Then it was more freeking awesomeness…!! To go along with the rest our ‘safe’ zone of Halloween of course our favorite Halloween movies!! All Disney of course, Rikki was not in school yet and she was legally kidnapped by the age of 7.She began kindergarten in the house of hell, and without her mother. He killed her soul then, a thousand deaths she went through. I was not allowed to be anywhere near her, not allowed to comfort her, to just hold her. L It was several year before I was even allowed to see her ‘supervised’ and then we could not hug we could not talk about what happened, we could not talk about hope, the future, we could not talk about our past out home our life, only what Rikki was currently doing with daddy dearest. Her sadness poured out of every pore her entire body eminated a pain that would knock the wind out of any ‘real’ human.

With “Hocus Pocus”, I watched it, loved it, and with warm memories of Rikki (before dad stole her). Then came the movie ‘Halloweentown’ omg. This was absolutely number one favorite for our ‘safe zone’ time. There were two. HalloweenTown and HalloweenTown 2. As I watched them, a flood of so many wonderful memories opened up.

Like I had opened up the door and let the fresh air in, these movies, inspired by the witch’s hat were the answer. If I can get to Rikki these movies especially HalloweenTown, deep inside her blocked off heart - a door will open for her too. I somehow know this with every fiber of my being.

I have time. My main goal is for her to just ‘watch’ them. I have began to rip and burn them for myself, but I want Rikki to ‘watch’ them. So I will buy them and have them sent to her. Not from me of course and hope they still make it into her DVD player- just movies packaged and sealed, nothing mom could have ‘sneaked’ in. Nothing from ‘mom’ so perhaps she will one day watch it. Directly to her from Amazon maybe.

My hopes are that now – perhaps I can begin to write to you. As I said before, it just hurts to bad to the point of panic, anxiety, chest pains and inability to breath. Avoid pain. That’s what we do naturally. And although it pains my heart now as I write this, it is not debilitating, it is welcome, and it just feels right. Like everything else around me - and busy it is – fall. The power of higher than anything else - that special power of Mother Nature. God’s creations and the ‘ultimate justice’. Just wait - the leaves have not even begun to change yet and I plan on doing every fall Halloween activity I can, the healing has finally begun. I guess, it is just time.

The witch’s hat made me feel good. LoL as I look at it now. It sits kinda like the witch hat in harry potter, bent over at middle, old and knowing just comfortable. I smile. I love you my daughter my dearest sweet Rikki.

Just believe what the heck - you ain’t got nothing to loose, I sure do not, plus - it just feels good. I do not know where I will be from one day to the next or even if I will be. Weather this will be the first day of the rest of my life or the last day - it will be the best day I can make it.

 

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

CHAPTER 6 - The End Is Only Just The Beginning – The Path Unpaved

May 2, 2012 Wednesday

Its 10:30 in the morning. The last day I will see you from a distance – perhaps forever, perhaps only just another year. Either way I sit here in tears for all the years lost, for all the pain, for the future yet to come. On one hand I want this day to be over --- the other I want it to never end. God Rikki, my daughter I love you so much, I am not always strong in fact there is not a day that does not go by without the tears of losing my child in sadness to anger of the court whores who profited by such torture.

Today at 3:30 pm the last time I will see you from a distance. The month of May—Mother’s day no less soon. I don’t know when, it does not matter – only that I recall we filed suit at the IACHR on mother’s day may 11, 2007. I, thinking that now (back then) that all the weight of the world had been finally lifted from shoulders. Year 2012. Not true. I still miss you still cling to hope, my mother and now God.

God failed us Rikki, so many years ago. He allowed the evil to take you from me 13 years ago--- 13 isn’t that an omen—13? Bad luck Friday? It doesn’t matter I quit believing in fairy tales a long time ago, more so I quit believing in God. Until mom died. I always knew that Jesus loved your granny, if ever there was a miracle it was your granny Rikki. She walked and talked and emulated pure love for all …. She forgave—that is not our job as humans I would argue. Its Gods job, most certainly not mine. Especially when my child, my self were burning in the pit of his so called glory. That was every day  and every night for this past 13 years.

Lately, not because of anything in particular or different, except that although I prayed for death all those years ago I certainly did not want to die. With your birthday coming up in a few short months December 12, you will be 18—and at age 18 every one seems to think it’s a "magic wand" age when suddenly everything changes – like in those so called fairy tales… and ‘they all lived happily ever after.’ When in reality, it only becomes worst. The most dangerous time for any woman, child--- is when they leave. When that torturer feels he has come to lose control, that day is fast approaching for you baby.

All age aside, you still have one more year of high school. One more year of pure terror and denial. One more year to survive. One more year before you can even think about breaking free, let alone about what is true. That’s a lifetime ….. a life time of so many more years. I have been like a rock all these years baby, BEING THE CHANGE I WANTED THE WORLD TO SEE. I sucked my life force, allowed myself and will continue until my last breath to lay road maps for your survival—the survival of so many. I cannot reach you directly… I can however reach on other issues.

An advocate they say I am, yes I suppose I am. I am an advocate for everyone else because I could not save you, I could not lessen your pain, I could not save myself. I know that you hate reading about the horridness of our lives; I can’t remember most the bad stuff that has never made it to the courts or on line. No need, the court record is mind boggling enough. I can only imagine—and not well the last 13 years (there’s that damn evil number again) have been like for you. Mostly, I don’t want to know, as it would all utterly be the end of me and any good I have left in me to reach through hell literally and build a bridge for you – and so many others to cross.

There is no good in the system; the rape of justice began long before you and I were thrown into the bowels of  hell called the judiciary. Long before your granny even fought for justice. Her mother and her mother……..
So, why bother right? Wrong. Because my dear sweet Rikki, let me guess you reach out to others don’t you? You reach out to children and hold their hearts in a certain that only they and you understand. This is because of what we have been through and I too do exactly as you. We were not able to stop the murder of our own, our entire MATERNAL FAMILIY or even to have known them were you Rikki? You have been denied the human – God given right to even know your own mother, as I too have been denied Gods inherent right to mother my own child—you Rikki.

So what the fuck ---- literally, what in all the god damn Sam hell are we freeking left with? Well, my daughter, as the miracle of your granny would say and I thank god for her presence in the most crucial time of our lives birth to age 7 for you. That we were trained as warriors. Yes baby, you are a warrior, your pain is literally the salvation of thousands of others, -- (as was mine) and both still remain. Our journey has truly only just begun. That so completely sucks…….. to think that now at age 18 all shall be at peace…. ( the magic wand is broken baby) to think that all we have gone through is not the end – but only the fucking beginning—would make Genghis Kahn ‘cower’ in fear.

But baby, here is your chance…… here finally is your generation, all grown up and ready to take the reigns of the world. But dammit baby…… don’t be politically correct don’t be quiet, don’t worry about stepping on toes, as long as you have no children I want you to fight—fight hard fight until your last dying breath so that all those children you hug all those others who suffer, you’re their Gabriel, their arch angel and then your life will not have been in vain.

Not something you expected a mom to say to her beloved daughter. On the last day she she may ever even see her --- even from afar. But, it is because of the love I have for you--- the undying – damn them all to hell how fucking dare they… that with this day I send to you the same message, that you must carry forward for all those who are so much weaker than you.

Cry and scream baby FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE----DOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
(watch brave heart) that is the FREEEDOM we all have – that has been taken from us—from or future from your future—and baby freedom is not free.

Ps (don’t vote Obama--- even the white horse prophecy sad as it may be is better than Sharia law) it will at least give us a chance to reverse all the evil done. Good bye my child, soon we will be sisters as well as mother and daughter- fighting side by side. It has only just begun.

After today, again I am back in my own little hell world, I  ask that you, (like I will) try to smell the flowers along the way. Death will come soon enough. It is not our will, but (yes you all can strike me dead at any time now) but it is God’s. And you know baby, I can fight mountains of armies, but I cannot fight them and him too. I have found a certain peace in finally letting go--- not to death -- but to him.

I pray on my hands and knees child, that when you invoke his assistance that he jumps – I don’t know if that’s how it actually works but--- for me - it has, at least in the peace realm. With him, I can hold you and granny, and feel you both in my heart. You have not died, you are not gone, you are always, ALWAYS here with me baby.  Sometimes in your journey you will be so tired, I offer to you a forever invitation to come to me and to just ‘be’. A chance to re energize --- a time to feel peace. To feel the wind upon your cheek to cool your body in the water of the pool. I will be here Rikki always. No ties, no bounds. Here for you for just when ever.. you need or want. You my child know how to reach me. And now –(again) with this final goodbye…. I too will heal – so that you my child can continue the fight for not just yours but one day—you will have daughters (you won’t until your 30’s like me) but for them, their daughters and their daughters… the cry of FREEDOM!!! Shall ring loud upon them and their fight soon will be rewarded because of you.

Us, older ones--- will continue to help in paving the unpaved path. This will never change, never end.
(time to shower now, to dress and to see you from afar--- one last time) I will drink a toast to you afterwards. Happy mother’s day, birthdays x-mas and all that, but mostly baby, know my darling child that you are not alone, you were born literally in the fires of hell, that sanctity of purity will burn through your veins the rest of your mortal life. Make them count.
https://plus.google.com/photos/106192456536943612939/albums/5733968037696543825

 

The Path Unpaved



I've walked this path alone so often,
I know its form by heart.
And now, as always, my footing's unsure,
on its unstable and rocky start.

I second-guess each step I take,
for fear I'll slip and fall,
That one wrong step will lend me to,
an end that ends it all.

One misplaced foot, one careless word,
an avalanche begins;
The tug of war of heart and mind,
till one of them finally wins.

Each time I've walked this troubled path,
It’s ended journey not together,
Each time I fear that to walk it again,
will tear me apart forever.

I haven't the strength to walk it alone,
nor the energy, if only I knew..
As every time I take this route,
I fear it may be my last too.

I don't know how to stop the pain,
Of traveling down this road again.
I've fought it time and over,
only to start it over again.

Yet each and every day I persevere,
As I steady my Unstable start:
I know that only change can come
From all of Passions Heart.

So if I must, I’ll rest awhile.
Ignore the Siren song.
Take comfort in the truth I dare
Unshakably, I will try to stand eternally strong.

© AngelFury 2005
PhotoPhotoPhoto

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Civil Suit - PTSD


February 23, 2012 DAY ONE  - ->>>added this title after my entry ->>>J(from the battle  zone and on to peace- a somewhere chapt in my LEAVING THE WAR ZONE – A Battered Mothers Memoirs for Her daughter) either that or twilight zone J

Met with Eric Kjorlie, Civil Federal attorney today. Apparently someone or ones have paid a retainer to this man to take my case from local to appellate to federal, donations of cash assistance have been given to me today in the amount of 500$  w more to be expected—people just started putting 20$ bills in (So I was told). I am still in awe and not quite sure exactly what’s going on.

Several things. From federal investigation to civil lawsuits, and internal and external pressure. And some very beautiful people who just want to see Rikki be safe and know her mom) wow—the tears the past week have flowed steady.

I will meet w federal investigator tomorrow on my way to the VA. Another investigator who will be or is protecting my daughter--They (used as in plural) are in awe at what I have placed on internet- for the love of my daughter. The case file—I was told that it’s like the Sally Field’s movie—‘Not Without My Daughter’. The feds lawyer et el are going to have VA  Doctors who specialize in PTSD war time soldiers build the case of just that. My war zone PTSD and continue  in civil and federal suits.

 What little I know atm is that apparently, I did so good at documentation from the beginning to well the end that there is now a federal investigation, a civil suit beginning and oddly enough a backwards turn to reintegration with my child, as the system has is and continues to fail to protect me, that I have had to go public to stay alive. (and I did) That the father of my daughter is still destroying me by withholding my child and apparently PTSD-(understatement) war type battle fatigue by the courts in Kansas and perpetrator is a direct cause for the 17 years of failure by all parties involved. As well, I am still under attack as – I am still a ghost, in hiding while the enemy walks free. That one really did hit home. They are right, I am still under attack- a ghost. Somehow I don’t think I will be for the rest of my life. Lawyer said its time to turn the tables. Have an address like ya know a house not a P.O. Box—I agree, never dreamed it to be remotely possible though—never thought of it till today. I am now though.

There is more as you can imagine… for now I am really exhausted, shocked that someone  or ones have retained this lawyer  anonymously to proceed on Rikki and I behave from local to federal court.
Then, there is the federal investigation of all parties involved. Court system and out system. The drugs, the pay offs the crooked judges, cops and attorneys.

It has all been set up, I go to VA tomorrow ( they already have my DD214 pulled) I meet w federal investigator tomorrow who has protection on my daughter, and  I swear I feel like I stepped though another twilight zone.
I have been told that, I will soon see Rikki on the PTSD expert from VA- about 3 mos- ish and that there will be no objection to Rikki and I being reintegrated via the PTSD VA expert.

I connect every one, twice today my history was reviewed w me, the players, the money, the beatings the continued torture. Apparently this is the case that they want to use to have extreme impact on the nations courts, kind of like we had hoped back in the 1999 1st appeal and petition for review. kind of a strange curve but sensible one to take the PTSD angle, it twists in the current chaos of the courts being fit- depressed, when your children are ripped away et el—the fucked up therapeutic jurisprudence of abuse being ignored and abusers  given the further control to –think war – the enemy continues to torture the soldier.

 I am not in control; I can just be me--- in all my pain, and glory. Not to mention all the indictments including daddy. I was told to have fun even lol
I know nothing about civil law- let alone used in local courts with the federal guidance. Or other my brain cells are just not linked there.

Writing more for myself at this moment, I have such an aversion to shrinks… I do have PTSD towards them. I used to work at the VA, I see the reasoning and the plan, this now out of there league. My heart beating hard, the sadness  of so much with Rikki my sweet  child, worst than I,  who has herself battled alone all these years.

 They said I reminded them of the Sally Fields movie- ‘Not Without My Daughter’. I have it recorded. Will continue my old habits, trust none record all, my mom taught me to always make sure that court record was complete, b/c one day it would be investigated and although much is lost—many more may one day be spared.
 At this moment… I feel my mom with me. I pray that my daughter feels my arms around her this very very windy night.

I have already done it all--- nothing for me to do but – heal—funny how shrink – well PTSD - VA doc may just offer that, a chance to see Rikki before she ages out , a chance to get to know each other again, and in the interim, perhaps karma will come full swing.
If ever I did feel crazy in all these years—its now, I laugh thinking how the crazy part of sanity will be turned back into seneschal—trauma—a special trauma reserved for soldiers in war. PTSD - not crazy, but normal. And….. the enemy is still inflicting pain.

I know nothing about fed law- I know nothing about civil law- I do know a bit about internal and external pressure J
I also am in complete awe that in this past year—I somehow open the doors and hearts of people who are now taking overt and covert action. I feel sort of like a leaf blowing in the wind—a gentle wind. A seneschal wind, for this moment anyhow.

Has been insane this past week, could only begin with today. I will try to write each day as it happens journaling—like I did in the 90s—only this time, its not me doing it, I just follow along and let go…
Hell been accused of crazy so many years lol. PTSD back is brilliant, a way to begin the process of ending the craziness, and more so, they want Rikki and I to know each other, be at peace and to never fear again.
Yaaawnnnnnnnnn g-night my friend. (((hugz))